“O” is for orgasm.
Party of one this Valentine’s Day? No worries. Ahead of the holiday, we spoke to Felicia Hershenhorn, the self-proclaimed “pleasure princess” and CEO of intimate wellness company RUNI, to discuss how to achieve the big “O” without a sexual partner and enjoy the benefits of self-intimacy.
Find out how to enhance your relationship with yourself down below.
Pleasure isn’t predictable
Pleasure can take time to achieve. That’s why Hershenhorn reminded us not to set our expectations too high. “Regardless of where you’re at in your journey of self-love, pleasure can change from week to week or even session to session,” she noted.
She further explained that it’s important to remember that orgasms are not always the ultimate goal. In her words, “Sometimes it’s about the squeeze and not the juice.”
Additionally, Hershenhorn lends the following advice when trekking down a self-love journey:
- Prioritize how you actually feel instead of how you think you should feel.
- Release any expectations and let this be your time to let go and become fully aware of your body, mind, and soul.
- Consider what excites you, what do you need, and what can you let go of
She encourages everyone to take the time to connect with themselves and stop overthinking and start feeling.
Setting the mood
Although Hershenhorn acknowledged that setting the mood for yourself can feel silly, she advised it’s far more necessary than you’d think. “Mind-blowing orgasms are not just about the actual climax. It’s largely about what comes before it,” she explained.
Much like warming up before you exercise, Hershenhorn said that setting the right mood and indulging in foreplay can set you up for the big “O” because it allows your body to warm up and lubricate (if you have a vulva). “Foreplay can be undressing in front of a mirror or using a small mirror to see the different parts of your body,” she suggested.
Hershenhorn said that the true goal is to deepen the intimacy and connection with yourself. She added, “I call this mindful masturbation, and there’s nothing sexier than the process of falling in love with yourself and your body in real-time.”
Lube it up
If you thought that lube and sex serums were just for penetrative sex, Hershenhorn said to think again. “A lot of people can benefit from using a good lubricant or serum before masturbation,” she advised.
She recommended RUNI’s Play Primer because, much like the name suggests, the lubricant is meant to prepare you for all sorts of play, whether personal (it’s compatible with toys) or with a partner. It’s also designed to help stimulate arousal for bigger and better orgasms. “It’s been known to give five-minute aftershocks,” she added.
For those looking for a non-penetrative way to stimulate themselves, Hershenhorn suggested dripping Play Primer along your torso or applying the product to your fingertip to create trails along your skin to feel the different erogenous zones light up with excitement.
Touch, tease, and toys
According to Hershenhorn, people with vulvas can achieve orgasm easier and faster through clitorial stimulation since it’s the primary function of the clitoris.
“Take time to explore all of your erogenous zones with your hands or toys,” she suggested, noting the importance of experimenting with different thresholds of firmness, speed, and pressure, both internally and externally. “Tease yourself with timing. Ease in and then ease off. Of course, you don’t need to do this all at once or even in the same session, but take your time and enjoy the experience.”
Check-in with yourself
Since self-connection and communication are the foundations for achieving incredible orgasms, Hershenhorn encourages you to carve out time to check in with yourself: Think about what you like, what you don’t like, what you’re willing to try, and what piques your curiosity.
Hershenhorn reminded us that the self-intimacy journey is just like a self-care routine — with trial and error, you’ll find what works for you.
“This is your time to explore, be curious, and engage with yourself,” she said. “The reality is, no one gives us a guidebook on how to talk about or handle our bodies, sensuality, or sexuality. While this can be scary, it can also be encouraging because we are never done learning.”